Abandoning Perfection

“O Lord you are my portion and my cup; it is you who uphold my lot. My boundaries enclose a pleasant land ……” Psalm 16:7-8

This line has been poking at my heart and mind since I prayed this psalm last week. What is God asking me to look at? I became conscious of the need to review my goals, to see if they still were relevant. I have needed affirmation (for a long time) that I am doing parochial pastoral care “right.” Right – not WRONG. I've needed to know the care I offer is not “merely adequate” but actually top of the line pastoral care.

This week, a subtle shift occurred. I understood all at once that this desire for “perfection” is unattainable because it cannot be measured. That begged the question – if I didn’t give up my quest for “that perfect visit” -- the perfect delivery of perfect pastoral care -- would I always live in quiet desperation?

What if I set aside the quest for “perfection” and replaced it with “competency? ” A subtle shift, but a profound one for me. Could that be satisfying? I'm living that question right now. Competency - and how that feels. So, how does this feel? It is a presence I have in my work that feels like it’s a good fit. Like a familiar pair of old loafers or your favorite sweater. Where have I felt this familiarity before? What is this feeling of well being? Optimism?

Then it came to me. It feels like when I pray. When Jesus and I are back on a first name basis after I’ve been away for awhile. There’s a comfort and a familiarity that I can rest in. It’s like old friends catching up. There’s an easiness to us – together – that I call being “right with God.” And how good that feels!

And it feels authentic. Not pride filled, not boastful, just authentic. And Id rather have authenticity than perfection any day.